People who kill are convicted of homicide and then spend their lives in prisons … however, people who kill the human spirit with violent language commit spiritual homicide, and walk the streets freely committing these silent crimes. — Adaptation of Mary Hamer quote 2001

MORALS are our subjective, internal, principles of right and wrong, and good and bad; principles which we may or may not share with others. We exercise our morals in such a way as to give us the authority to justify or explain our behaviour or to judge the behaviour of others. We tend to use morals to serve our purposes in that, at times, we may rigorously defend our morals whilst, at other times, we may apply an elastic approach to the way we use them. We each have a personal moral code within which we function and which generally, but not always, reflects the ethics governing the behavioural standards of our social group.

ETHICS are a formalised system or set of beliefs predominately accepted by the community within which they operate. They usually exist in the form of written laws, determined through an intellectual process, generally decided upon through consensus. And these laws are designed to enable a large group of people to co-exist with the least amount of social friction. For the most part, such laws are determined by the leaders or rulers of an organisation, community, or country, and in some cases, by religion. In many cases, ethics depend almost entirely upon the people who write them. Because of this, ethics are inclined to reflect the views, though not necessarily the morals, of those in power. Usually, these laws are built around what such leaders would consider to be ‘good’ morals. In other words, to enable a particular society to operate in the most satisfactory way for a desired outcome.

JUDGEMENT is the ability to make considered decisions. It is, usually, the ability to form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, using rational sense and discretion to come to a conclusion about something: especially in matters affecting action.

MORALISTIC JUDGEMENTS are judgements involving ideas of good or bad and right or wrong. Although we make moralistic judgements in our heads, we comprehend such judgements more clearly in the verbal or written condemnation of someone or something as the result of a perceived breach of the moral standard accepted by a particular community. Moralistic judgements can also be expressed by actions, for example, the shunning of someone who is seen not to adhere to a moral standard expected of a particular community. Nowadays this is sometimes translated into the withdrawal of custom, applied to some manufacturer, retailer or product, by some members of the public.

LIFE-SERVING JUDGEMENTS are those judgements we form to make life work better for us. They are made with the intention of contributing to our well-being, as well as that of others participating in the judged circumstances. Such judgements are not about reward and punishment, but rather about logic and reason delivered with compassion and honesty: about being authentic around our feelings and needs.

Take the time to learn to tell someone skilfully why you do or don’t appreciate what they say or do. Glib throw-away lines don’t necessarily encourage and form strong bonds with others. Examine your own values along with what it is you expect to hear when you listen to yourself and others. You may discover those ‘hidden gems’ — the people who share your values.

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it. ― Anon