Our choices belong to us

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility,
and most people are frightened of responsibility. ―  Sigmund Freud

RESPONSIBILITY is about consequences. When we THINK the consequences of our actions risk our well-being or are uncertain, ambiguous, or unknown, then we might find them scary. That is, we are afraid of the pain we might have to endure. Prior painful physical or emotional experiences can prevent us from taking action, from making certain decisions, from choosing, because we don’t want to repeat that pain. It was too painful at the time and we never learned how to deal with that pain.

However, the pain of not being who we are created to be, or of not living the life we could live, can result in an inordinate amount of suffering. The cost of this suffering may or may not be far more than being responsible for a particular action.

There are a few basic conditions we must meet before being able to be a fully responsible person. As a rule, we learn these from the adults in our lives during our childhood. It is imperative that these adults are able to teach us to self-regulate our behaviour by being able to shift from obedience to responsibility, and hopefully they instil in us traits that allow us to be responsible.

This package includes:

• healthy self-esteem;
• needing to feel that we are loved;
• needing to feel capable;
• being empowered;
• having a sense of ownership;
• being able to make our own decisions;
• having some idea how to redress something;
• having pride in what we do;
• being able to delay gratification;
• being able to acknowledge our mistakes;
• being able to stick to a task;
• having the confidence to ask for assistance;
• being clear about what skills we have;
• being prepared to risk trying something new; and
• enjoying a belief that we can solve problems.

One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes … and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. ―  Eleanor Roosevelt